Eating Disorders and CD

[MaryMoe]

Four years ago I was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer and told to eat mainly 'plain' foods like bread...well obviously this caused severe malnutrition along with even more stomach pain. I tended to involuntarily spit-up after some meals and found it very embarrassing and still painful.

I was finally diagnosed with Celiac Disease and felt that if I 'cheated' in my diet I should get rid of the food so it wouldn't hurt me later. That summer a couple of very important people in my life have passed away and I started occasional bulemic-type behaviors. Its has been very hard to have CD since I'm away at college and don't have an oven or my mom's special cookies . Sometimes I get very sad when all my friends are eating pizza and I'm having a chicken salad. When I get stressed I tend to want to sneak down to the snack machines with fistfuls of quarters and buy cookies, cinnamon rolls, and doughnuts and then purge...I feel so out of control. Medication has helped a lot, but its soooo tempting still binge/purge at stressful Final exam times.

I don't know if depression or Eating disorders are common among people on restriced diets, but I was just looking for some suggestions. I have seen a counselor and am on Zoloft..what do I do?--MaryMoe

[aklap]

Hi Mary,

Welcome to the board! I hope you hang out with us for awhile. There's lots of good info here and links to other sites (Please be patient with some of them - BrainTalk - as that site is down).

We've all been there Mary, you are not alone. How long ago were you diagnosed? We will help you the best we can. It is hard seeing your friends eating whatever they want. I takes awhile for that go diminish. I won't say it goes away 100% (at least it hasn't for me), but does get easier. I still go thru bouts of "I wish I could eat whatever I wanted". But - when I look back at how I felt before going GF - I never want to return to that!!

You are right to get rid of the foods that are not safe for you! Always try to keep only safe food at hand. Can Mom send you some of her special cookies from time to time? Snickers bars & Midnight Milky Way bars (Not the regular Milky bars), Reeses BP cups are GF. If you have a junk food attack - those would be safe for you Make sure you check the Chicago Mainstream food list in the Proper Foods forum. It's a PDF that has lots of mainsteam food that you can find anywhere. There should be somethings in there that would work in a college setting.

Being in college would make it more difficult. Do you eat meals at the commons? If so, you might talk to the head of the food service and see if they could have things that are safe for you. I'm a geezerly 42 , and am quite removed from the college lifestyle, but there are several college students that hang out here (GFSarahSmiles, DragonFairy come to mind), they might have more hints & suggestions for you.

From what I've seen and the people I've talked to, there are HUGE links to gluten and depression. Unfortunately this information is on the Braintalk site and they are down. There are several people there that have notice vast changes (for the better) in their depression! Take a look thru this stuff. It's a google on gluten & depression: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=gluten+depression

Please - don't give up and do not cheat. Things will get better, but it will take persistance. All of will pay off over time. Once you've gotten on the road to health - you will never look back!!

Good luck! We hope to see you around here more!!
_________________
Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

[wendycs]

Hi Mary!

I know what you're going through. I have cheated and made myself incredibly sick because of it and tried to make myself puke to try to feel better (although.. this doesn't really work as it takes like only a tiny bit of gluten to upset your intestines and when you puke its highly unlikely that you well get it all up!) And I've read that there is a link between eating disorders and CD. I've suffered from anorexia on and off since I was 13 or 14. My last major 'episode' was last summer. For ages I wasn't sure why I didn't want to eat.. it wasn't necessarly because I wanted to lose weight (although that was a part of it). I guess it was more that I became scared of eating. Eating hurt. So I didn't eat. But we also didn't know that I had celiac at the time either. I still do struggle with the urge to not eat or the occasional 'mega binge'.. but hey.. I'm human!! It is so hard not to cheat.. especially when you're in college (I'm taking this year off but I was in college for the past 2 years). I've found that preparing stuff ahead of time and carrying it with you helps or even just shoving a couple gluten free cookies in your purse for whenever you get the urge for one of those ones in the caf that smell oh-so-good! And as Al said if you want to have junk look for chocolate bars with out gluten and other sugary things such as skittles and gummy bears!

[GFSarahSmiles]

Hey MaryMoe!

Al said it already, but I'll still say it again: "You're definately not alone," and that is true on so many levels. I struggled with depression and an eating disorder as well before finding that I had Celiac. After reading stuff about it and looking back, I'd say there were TONS of things about me and my life that were related to gluten - except that I was 21 before it was actually dx'ed. So I understand those issues. I understand the eating disorder mentality and I understand the struggles you face as a college kid (I'm still one).

One huge thing to remember is please do not cheat and then purge. The gluten will still cause the reaction and give you problems, even if it doesn't feel like it, and I'm sure I don't need to mention that the whole purging thing is just bad in and of itself. Just don't get the cookies or whatever from the snack machine to begin with. Besides, if you buy 'em, eat 'em, and purge 'em, you may as well just flush the fist full of quarters down the toilet and be done with it.

I'd be willing to be that some of your depression may be linked to continued consumption of gluten. Perhaps if you can totally stay away from gluten, your depression will subside and your bulimic tendancies may do the same. Gluten really can mess with your head.

Now about eating at college ... I probably don't have all the angles on this one. I was away at college for two years (best two years of my life!) before getting really sick (didn't know it was CD) and having to move back home with the parents and then enrolling in a nearby college - so I am still a college student, but I live with the parents and thus don't get the thrill of dealing with the dining halls unless I want to and I DON'T! I know that many people arrange something so that they do not have to buy the meal plans and eat in the dining halls. It is a medical condition, after all, so if you just show the college that you have this condition and need to be exempt from the required meal plan and allowed to prepare your own food, they probably won't argue. Many people (like dragonfairy, I think) live off campus so they can cook for themselves and don't have to deal with the meal plan thing, and again, I would think that as long as the school knows it's a medical condition, they probably won't deny you what you need. From my college days when I went away and didn't know I had Celiac, I remember the dining hall experience well enough to say that I doubt it's possible to eat GF there. Where I went, for example, there is no telling what else the tongs in the carrots were just a minute ago ... were they just in the crutons? There is so much stuff out there on the food bars and behind the counters and you have no idea what is in it all. We can make lots of stuff safe by altering the recipe, but you have no clue what the kitchen staff put into it.

Wow ... this is a very long post, so I think I'll stop it here. Feel free to send me a private message or something if you want. Just remember that you aren't alone in all this mess, and there's lots of people here to support you, myself included. Make sure you are not getting any gluten (and remember that you can't just fix the conumption of gluten by purging), and keep your chin up! Things could always be worse than they are, and they are always bound to be better if you just keep your head up and keep going.
_________________
Sarah
Birthday: December 6, 1982
Gluten-Free Birthday: March 2, 2004
Remission & Dx Confirmed: March 30, 2004

[GFSarahSmiles]

Hey, it's me again. Sorry, but I forgot ... I didn't even touch on the social-life aspect. I've found that over the last year, it has gotten a lot easier to deal with Celiac on the social level. Most of my friends know what it is or at least have a vague idea that there's a lot of "normal" stuff that I can't eat and everyone is fine with it. I usually have some kind of snack with me anyway, but when there is definately going to be a meal when I go out with people, I generally pack my own meal (unless I know we'll be going somewhere that I can safely eat).

Taking my own meal has never really been a problem, and it does get easier and more comfortable over time. My friends eat and so do I, my meal is just a little different - but I'm still eating with everyone else. My closer friends will often ask if or where I can eat from a list of possible places. That works out really well because I don't have to worry about taking my food when I go out with them and I don't feel like I'm dictating where we eat because there are usually many options (I have a little book that has lots of restaurants listed and what is GF from their menus) to pick from. I was afraid of telling the people around me that I had "this disease" at first, but after a while that eased up and it's a lot easier with my friends knowing this. I rarely feel left out because they know my situation and we can work around it without them sacrificing something they want to eat.

As far as the occasional desires for gluten-containing foods - I smell stuff a lot. Smelling has become my way of tasting stuff (which is kinda funny because my sense of smell is not very good ). Whenever someone has something that looks really good, I smell it and just sorta imagine that I'm tasting it. That usually suffices for me because I know what it would do if I really did taste it and I just accept the fact that I cannot taste it through my mouth. Many of my friends are so accustomed to it that when they have something really good, they just hold it out to me to smell automatically. I don't even get weird looks anymore. At first my friends said they felt bad about eating something so good in front of me because they felt they were torturing me or something, but it doesn't really bother me. I guess it's maybe a mind-set kind of thing. I don't see their food and think of it as something really good that I can never taste and am deprived of; I just see it as something that I don't really care to eat because it would make me sick but I can at least smell it.

Just for the record though, I don't think the mind-set thing is something I would have been capable of before when I was still comsuming gluten and dealing with depression and stuff. I was often a real drag before, but after going GF and recovering a bit, I became sort of the smiling little optimist. I did have a more pessimistic view of everything for a little while after going GF when it was still in my body and I was still getting hidden glutens or contamination.

As I said, just stick with gluten free and be careful that everything really is GF, and keep your chin up.
_________________
Sarah
Birthday: December 6, 1982
Gluten-Free Birthday: March 2, 2004
Remission & Dx Confirmed: March 30, 2004

[MaryMoe]

Thank you guys so much for posting. I've been to so many different forums and groups when no one responded. Its great to know that I'm not alone in this.

I've never thought to just put a couple of GF cookies or skittles in my purse or backpack to save for later 'just in case' I felt deprived around my pals. Great suggestion.

Ya''ll I started crying just now. I just really appreciate you trying to help me and being so nice. Its so great to have people that really care about your happiness that you've never even met. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to offer your help. Its hard talking to my mother about this stuff b/c she'll just call all the time and worry herself to death...*deep breath* Ok I'm gonna continue with my reply...I'm such a goober.

I really think that you are right. Even one little bite of cake that I think doesn't matter REALLY does, and ends up hurting me and making me sad. I don't have a meal plan. [the first semester I came here I ate oatmeal EVERY morning...yeah that was a mistake and really sucked, but I didn't know I wasn't supposed to] I've had a lot of trouble with meals since I'm allowed a minifridge and microwave. I've actually become really creative with my micro-meals..even made rice crispies once haha. I live in the commons so I'm downstairs from a deli,pizzaplace, chik-fil-a, and mexican place. I get really tired of eating 'taco salad without the shell' every time that I don't wanna make my microwavable food. (sometimes I wonder if that much microwaved food is healthy..like I'm gonna turn radioactive haha) This years almost over and me and my pals are going off campus so It won't be nearly as tempting AND I can cook YEAH!

I really really really thank you guys for being so positive and uplifting. . I just needed to know that I wasn't alone. The best part is knowing that you have been where I am and have overcome it. Oh yeah I its really funny that you say that you just smell other people's bad food because I do that too! Its so funny I'm like oh that looks sooo good-Can I smell it? My friends are supportive but they just don't get how sad it makes me sometimes and I'm not the girl that goes and cries on someone's shoulder. BUT I should be more open, I know. When I hold stuff in I end up crying over GF forums on the internet alone in my dorm. (nervous laugher) Well ANYWHOO

BLESS YOU. and as soon as my accounting final is over I'm sure I won't be as stressed and sad. If you don't mind pray for me about my food and my exams. I'd love you forever. Thanks again!

[Guest]

Hey Mary, since you live by a Chick-fil-a...I thought you might like this

http://www.chickfila.com/gluten.asp

[Guest]

oops - that's me above

Al

[GFSarahSmiles]

I'm glad you found this site, too; now you know you have company! Yeah, keeping a "little something" in your purse or bag is a great idea. I've pretty much always got something edible with me.

I understand the thing about having to keep stuff even from your mother, too. Unfortunately, that's something I have to deal with as well.

Yes, that one little bite of cake should not be taken lightly. They say many of us become more sensitive to smaller amounts over time, and I think that is true. I get very sick now even from a single tiny crumb. As a result, I now have my own butter bowl & etc separate from the rest of the household's supply. If you're eating a tiny bite of cake every now and then, it sounds like you're not completely GF; and I'd be willing to bet that if you do go completely GF, you would probably start to feel a lot better mentally/emotionally as well.

The apartment next year will surely do you some good. You can't possibly be getting adequate nutrition with the microwave restriction. With a real kitchen in your midst, you will certainly be able to eat better - nutrition-wise and taste-wise.

Haha! I'm glad to know I have a partner in the sniffing! I often call it "huffing" their food, especially when it's something so good that one sniff isn't enough to be satisfied. The saddness and yearning for their food will probably pass in time. I remember it was more difficult in the beginning.

Have faith that you will find a coping mecanism. I'm not one to cry to someone else either and I also have the tendancy to hold things in and let them build up - but you've got to cope with it in some way. I rarely ever cry, but for me the shower is usually the best time and place. I'm alone, so no one is there saying "what's wrong? don't cry, it will be okay ..." and not only is it the perfect place to be alone and cry, but you're all wet in the shower anyway, so no one can really tell that you've been crying. It's my perfect way to cry in secret! Still though, it's just in my nature to inhibit nearly everything, so I often have to stop and just ask myself if there's a lot built up that needs to be released. But of course, crying over GF forums works too! We don't mind it around here!

Always feel free to ask questions around here - on boards or privately (we have a neat little private message thingy here at our disposal!). We're all here for you!

Ack! Did you have to say that "E" word?!?! I hate the E word that is heard so much around the end of the semester! Good luck to you and all of us college students on the evil "things" that will be administered to us in the next few weeks! May we all survive and live to tell about it! May "A's" and yummy GF food abound in the weeks ahead!
_________________
Sarah
Birthday: December 6, 1982
Gluten-Free Birthday: March 2, 2004
Remission & Dx Confirmed: March 30, 2004

[Zoops]

Well i am proud to say that Mary is one of the best people i know. I am so glad she has found a forum that has great people just like her. I am also very proud to be dating such a amazing woman and just want to tell all of you that she is a very persistent person, sometimes stubborn , but one of the sweetest and most caring girl you will ever meet. I just want to thank everyone for helping her with this. I am also glad because maybe i can get support tips and other helpful info . Thank ya'll so much for giving her much needed support.
Jason

[Zoopsall]

I love her so very much.

[aklap]

Hi Jason,

Thanks for stopping by! This world needs a few more "Jason's". You are to be commended for taking the time to understand and learn about what Mary is going thru.

I have said many times the CD and Gluten Sensitivity are great "Relationship Divining Rods". If your loved one is willing help you deal with and support you thru this madness...they are worth hanging on to!!! If not - "ditch them cuz it ain't gonna get any better"

Support is such a key element in coping with this.

Take care and learn as much as you can!!
_________________
Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

[aklap]

[GFSarahSmiles]

[aklap]

LOL!!!!
_________________
Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa