Funny threats from mom

cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 2304 Location: Washington State

My mother always had creative ways of getting me to behave. Listed below are some of the threats she would love to use. Do you recognize any of these? Have any to add to the list? My mom was a nice woman who had very high energy kids. It's a wonder she survived.

* If you swear one more time, a dragonfly is going to come by and sew your lips shut.

* If you fall down and split your head open, don't come crying to me.

* Your face is gonna freeze like that.

* I'm going to rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stump.

* I'm going to knock you to a peak, and then knock the peak off.

* If you stick out your lower lip like that, a bird is going to come along and poop on it.
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-Colleen
Dx 8/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
9-YO son Dx 11/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
Daughters have negative bloodwork - so far!

A woman is like a tea bag-you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

mrsppmrxky · Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 1422 Location: GF Kitchen

My favorite one that my mother did one day when we were being careless around the gas space heater was:

If you don't stop, we're going to wake up in the morning and find ourselves dead!!!!

(she started crying when we all laughed at her.) Now I know why she has gray hair that is thinning..........we made her pull it out. LOL
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ostrich · Joined: 30 Mar 2006 Posts: 3942 Location: Nebraska

forinajoy · Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 187 Location: Texas

My mom used to say:
"You better be careful or you will step on that lower lip of yours"
"If you're not careful, you will wake up dead"
"I am going to brain you"
"I am going to knock you clear into the middle of next week"
"I am going to crown you with many crowns"
"I am going to knock your head off and send it sliding across the floor"

all of these were usually given only when she was not really upset at all.....if we really did anything wrong she didn't joke around....at that point, she was all seriousness...
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Connie, mom to Ina, 13 y/o with CD

cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 2304 Location: Washington State

The Edifying Conscience · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 2339

Some of those that you've listed above were common in my childhood. Here are a couple of others that were heard quite frequently!

If you two don't quit fighting I'm going to turn this car around and go home. [We still haven't quit fighting and I don't remember her ever turning the car around.]

If you say that ever again, I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap. [Never tasted soap and my favorite, most useful word starts with an 'f.']

Kathie · Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 696 Location: Florida

forinajoy · Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 187 Location: Texas

OK, this is not something that my mother used to say but it is funny...

When we first adopted Ina, (she is moderately autistic), she was petrified of the lawn mower...when she got mad at someone, she would scrunch up her face and say in her most mad way "GO MOW!!"...that was the worst insult she could give someone...

...she kept us all laughing...she still keeps us laughing, but she has not given that insult in a very long time
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Connie, mom to Ina, 13 y/o with CD

ostrich · Joined: 30 Mar 2006 Posts: 3942 Location: Nebraska

That reminds me of a funny story. When my brother an I were little, one of us (can't remember which one) used to use the longest, most complicated "word" as a swear word: W. Laughing

We'd yell "MOMMY W!"
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Ostrich :>--O==={

I lie below, you float above
In the pretty white ships that I am dreaming of

cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 2304 Location: Washington State

nancw · Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 745 Location: Denver, CO

I found myself thinking of this thread several times this past weekend as our boys were getting into it every couple of hours. Very Happy

I am still shocked when I say/yell something to the boys and feel as if I am literally channeling my mother - even looking over my shoulder to see if she is standing behind me.

My dad had some great threats, least of which was "When you turn 18 you are no longer my responsibility and then you can do whatever you want, but not in my house".

My six year old has been having some tantrums lately, and I stand outside his room and listen (and reminisce about my own tantrums). My favorite so far is "I'm doing what you asked you stupid people! STUPID PEOPLE!!!!!!" He doesn't seem to know any bad words yet - at least, I don't hear'em.
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Nance

gluten, dairy, soy, rice, corn, yeast and 99% grain-free

cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 2304 Location: Washington State

I thought of more funny parental expressions today, this time from my Dad.

-You can't shine a turd.
-Don't pee on my shoes and tell me it's raining.

Any new ones to add?
_________________
-Colleen
Dx 8/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
9-YO son Dx 11/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
Daughters have negative bloodwork - so far!

A woman is like a tea bag-you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

celiacmaine-iac · Joined: 19 Dec 2007 Posts: 532 Location: Maine

The one my DH used on our 4 daughters:
-If you don't straighten out, I'm going to rip off your head and puke down your neck!
You have to understand that in our house I was the disciplinarian, and DH was just a big softy even though he talked a big game.
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Steph