How do you get someone to understand cross-contamination

cardine45 · Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 558 Location: Kalamazoo, MI

I should probably have waited until I calmed down to post this, but I'm really really angry and frustrated. My boyfriend and I just got home from grocery shopping, and I was starting my weekly sunday cooking spree. I got burgers ready for our dinner tonight so he could grill them, and explained very carefully that he needed to make sure the grill was clean and that he didn't put any spices on mine unless he checked with me first. I could tell he was starting to get frustrated with me micro-managing everything, but I just about flew off the handle when he pulled the bread out and started preparing his burger right next to the bowl of brownie mix I was working on. He simply grabbed the bread and moved over to the table, and started spreading mayo on the bread and such (most likely contaminating the rest of the burgers sitting there). Luckily, I already had the burger I was going to eat on another counter.
I have no idea how sensitive I am because I've only been doing this for 3 weeks, but I'd rather not take chances. I know it's frustrating for him too, but I've told him time and time again that he needs to be careful for my sake. He even had the nerve to say that I didn't have the test done, so the doctors don't even know for sure that this is what is wrong with me. I'll be the first one to admit that my symptoms haven't disappeared, but I feel a million times better than I did before going gluten-free.
I guess I'm partially venting, and partially looking for a good way to get him to understand. I feel like he thinks I would have to actually eat a piece of bread to get sick, and even then it wouldn't be that bad. I guess it's partially my fault that I never admitted to anyone how sick I am, so no one realized just how bad it was and now they're looking at me like I'm making this up.

aklap · Joined: 02 Oct 2004 Posts: 10519 Location: WI, USA

Getting others to understand CC is difficult. To the "outsider" small amounts like that "just don't matter". "Ahhh - that little bit won't hurt you!" is the normal response we get. The reality of the matter is - yes it does matter.

The FDA is in the process of setting standards as to what gluten free actually means. It looks like it will be set at 20 parts per million. Yes - parts per million! This means any food that has less than 20 ppm can be labeled as GF.

http://glutenfreedietitian.com/newsletter/?page_id=19

cardine45 · Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 558 Location: Kalamazoo, MI

Thanks for the advice. I think I'll try talking to him tomorrow because I know he's having a really hard time with this too. It's just frustrating because in my eyes, I have to completely change my life and habits, and he only has to be careful around my food. I know it's a lot more complex than that, and I know he's trying, but I feel like he could do more.
Thankfully, my boyfriend and my family are the only ones that I've explained enough about this to that they realize I don't have an actual diagnosis. As far as anyone else is concerned, they know I have it, but they don't know enough about it to doubt what I'm telling them.
I sometimes wish I would have told my doctor I wanted the endoscopy before going gluten-free, but I was feeling so crappy, I just wanted to be better right away. I'm perfectly fine never eating gluten again even without a "medical diagnosis" as long as I feel better not eating it.

aklap · Joined: 02 Oct 2004 Posts: 10519 Location: WI, USA

Many times - family are the hardest to "get thru to" Wink

http://forums.glutenfree.com/topic1865.html
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Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

ostrich · Joined: 30 Mar 2006 Posts: 4941 Location: Nebraska

Have you tried sitting down together and having one big bitching session about how hard this diet is? It might help your boyfriend to know that you're really frustrated too. That it'll be a learning process for both of you. And that, even without a diagnosis, you're feeling much better, which is what counts.
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Ostrich :>--O==={

Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

Fifi · Joined: 01 Feb 2008 Posts: 287 Location: Wauconda, IL

I totally understand what you are going through. I am still tired all the time and sleep a lot. My husband can not understand that is a symptom of cd so I printed up a bunch of stuff off the internet in plain english with no big words. I am making him read it so he can understand the seriousness of this. Instead of thinking I'm lazy or I just don't want to eat what he is eating. It will take time. We all have to be patient. They will eventually get it when they see this is not just another fad diet we are on to inconvenience everyone.

Have faith!

cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 3359 Location: Washington State

Here is an exercise we did with our girl scout troop. We were talking about how germs are spread. One person put a little bit of glitter on her hands. She then shook hands witht he person next to her. Then that person shook hands with the next person and so on. By the time we got to the end of the row, we all looked at our hands. Each and every one of us had glitter on our hands. I'm not suggesting that you cover BF with glitter (although it might be fun Shocked

) it does prove the point.

It's the same with gluten. A few crumbs spread around here and there add up to quite a lot over time. Gluten in measured in parts per MILLION for a reason. Incremental exposure is real and it can hurt us. He may come to realize this over time as your health improves.
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Where are we going, and what am I doing in this handcart?

The Edifying Conscience · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 2907

voix · Joined: 10 Apr 2008 Posts: 160 Location: Colorado

That's a great image; I love it.

cruelshoes · Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 3359 Location: Washington State

nancw · Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 1172 Location: Denver, CO

The Edifying Conscience · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 2907

ostrich · Joined: 30 Mar 2006 Posts: 4941 Location: Nebraska

That's a really cool idea Colleen, no matter where you got it. Plus you can illustrate how washing your hands removes the germs (and gluten).
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Ostrich :>--O==={

Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

celiacmaine-iac · Joined: 19 Dec 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Maine

cardine45 · Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 558 Location: Kalamazoo, MI

I might have to try something besides glitter, but I think it might get the point across, especially if I used glitter because he'd be really annoyed by the glitter, just like I'm really annoyed by crumbs.

There's nothing I can do about CC at work, but I got really annoyed today when I was putting my food on a plate from my carefully sealed containers, and the table next to the microwaves was absolutely covered with random crumbs from random food that people had eaten that day. The microwaves are also always full of spilled food and such. I used to heat my food up in the containers I brought them in, but it works better to bring a couple days worth of food in separate containers (one for potatoes, one for chicken, etc) and just take out what I need for each day and put it on a paper plate. Seems like a big waste to use an extra paper plate to place on top of the food to make sure nothing from inside the microwave gets on it, but I'm scared not to. The crumbs almost reminded me of glitter all over the place, which makes me wonder how safe the paper plates at work are because you never know what's on someones hands when they reach into the box to get one or the random stack that they leave next to the box. Maybe I need to start bringing my own.