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windinthetrees
Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Posts: 73
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 Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:29 pm Post subject: supporters |
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i have a burning question. certain family members (my husband's entire side) and my dad NEVER ask how i am doing, how the new diet is going--etc. i am at the point of being terrified to see my inlaws at the holidays b/c i feel that by them never asking about me, i feel they doubt the seriousness or validity of my disease. i already have a rocky relationship with them all, and now i feel like even more of an outcast.
BY PEOPLE NOT ASKING, DOES THAT MEAN THEY DOUBT OR ARE
SKEPTICS? WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE?
I am SO bitter right now. the most random, kind people will approach
me and ask how i am doing. people i hardly know. yet certain family members ignore the subject. not b/c i have not given them info either/
any advice would be helpful.
THANKS |
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aklap
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 10973
Location: WI, USA
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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As you have probably seen around here - family members can be some of the biggest un-supporters - sadly...
Could they just total avoid it because they don't know how to deal with it? Could they be afraid to ask you about it?
Do they live close enough for you to invite them over for a meal [I know probably not exactly what you want to do...but...]? If you have to deal with them, it's best to deal with them on your own turf. You have home field advantage! Perhaps in having a "trial run" now, things won't be as stressful at the holidays. It still probably won't change their mind...
Have you had the chance to explain your issues to them?
_________________
Al
“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa
Last edited by aklap on Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:07 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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cultureslayer
Joined: 07 Apr 2006
Posts: 997
Location: NC
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:00 pm Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| windinthetrees wrote: | i have a burning question. certain family members (my husband's entire side) and my dad NEVER ask how i am doing, how the new diet is going--etc. i am at the point of being terrified to see my inlaws at the holidays b/c i feel that by them never asking about me, i feel they doubt the seriousness or validity of my disease. i already have a rocky relationship with them all, and now i feel like even more of an outcast.
BY PEOPLE NOT ASKING, DOES THAT MEAN THEY DOUBT OR ARE
SKEPTICS? WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE?
I am SO bitter right now. the most random, kind people will approach
me and ask how i am doing. people i hardly know. yet certain family members ignore the subject. not b/c i have not given them info either/
any advice would be helpful.
THANKS |
Maybe they aren't interested.
Maybe they don't ask because they don't want to discuss poop and upset stomachs with you.
Maybe they have chronic health problems, and think they are doing you a favor by not making you discuss medical details for the ninety millionth time.
Honestly, I'd rather just not discuss it most of the time. My mom loves to yap on and on about every medical problems she has, and I don't want to be like that. I want to be more than a pile of health problems, so I try to talk about other interesting things instead. Could just be a cultural difference with them. Some families and people just don't discuss medical issues much. Unless they are trying to get you to eat gluten, I'd just let it slide and be happy they are not pestering you for every single detail of your life 24/7.
_________________
Lauren
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. |
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windinthetrees
Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Posts: 73
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| cultureslayer wrote: | | windinthetrees wrote: | i have a burning question. certain family members (my husband's entire side) and my dad NEVER ask how i am doing, how the new diet is going--etc. i am at the point of being terrified to see my inlaws at the holidays b/c i feel that by them never asking about me, i feel they doubt the seriousness or validity of my disease. i already have a rocky relationship with them all, and now i feel like even more of an outcast.
BY PEOPLE NOT ASKING, DOES THAT MEAN THEY DOUBT OR ARE
SKEPTICS? WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE?
I am SO bitter right now. the most random, kind people will approach
me and ask how i am doing. people i hardly know. yet certain family members ignore the subject. not b/c i have not given them info either/
any advice would be helpful.
THANKS |
Maybe they aren't interested.
Maybe they don't ask because they don't want to discuss poop and upset stomachs with you.
Maybe they have chronic health problems, and think they are doing you a favor by not making you discuss medical details for the ninety millionth time.
Honestly, I'd rather just not discuss it most of the time. My mom loves to yap on and on about every medical problems she has, and I don't want to be like that. I want to be more than a pile of health problems, so I try to talk about other interesting things instead. Could just be a cultural difference with them. Some families and people just don't discuss medical issues much. Unless they are trying to get you to eat gluten, I'd just let it slide and be happy they are not pestering you for every single detail of your life 24/7. |
I am not a yapper. I am very contientious of the fact that this does not and should not be the topic of every disscussion. funny though,their
lives tend to be the topic of every discussion. i am not asking to be the center of attention Lauren. just a little compassion is all |
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cultureslayer
Joined: 07 Apr 2006
Posts: 997
Location: NC
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:19 pm Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| windinthetrees wrote: |
I am not a yapper. I am very contientious of the fact that this does not and should not be the topic of every disscussion. funny though,their
lives tend to be the topic of every discussion. i am not asking to be the center of attention Lauren. just a little compassion is all |
If they are discussing their health and not yours then that's different. All I'm saying is that I prefer not to discuss my health with my family because it opens up pandora's box.  They might have gotten in this habit because of someone else. Don't sweat the small stuff and all that. I think I offend my mom when I don't eat what she cooks, but I don't care, I'd rather bring my own food that try to teach her to prepare mine and suffer because of her mistakes.
_________________
Lauren
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. |
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jeant
Joined: 06 Apr 2008
Posts: 290
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:48 pm Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| windinthetrees wrote: | I am very contientious of the fact that this does not and should not be the topic of every disscussion. funny though,their
lives tend to be the topic of every discussion. |
Some people just talk about themselves and have very little awareness of the lives of others. I have a cousin who calls to talk about herself, and when I want to get off the phone all I have to do is start talking about my life. She's just not all that interested in anything that doesn't directly involve her.
I don't know if your family members are skeptics or if they are like that with everyone. I don't ask relatives with diabetes how their diets and medications are working out for them, but I'm not skeptical of their disease. I do, however, ask them how they are and I'm willing to listen if they want to talk. Were your family members interested in your well-being before your diagnosis? |
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windinthetrees
Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Posts: 73
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| jeant wrote: | | windinthetrees wrote: | I am very contientious of the fact that this does not and should not be the topic of every disscussion. funny though,their
lives tend to be the topic of every discussion. |
Some people just talk about themselves and have very little awareness of the lives of others. I have a cousin who calls to talk about herself, and when I want to get off the phone all I have to do is start talking about my life. She's just not all that interested in anything that doesn't directly involve her.
I don't know if your family members are skeptics or if they are like that with everyone. I don't ask relatives with diabetes how their diets and medications are working out for them, but I'm not skeptical of their disease. I do, however, ask them how they are and I'm willing to listen if they want to talk. Were your family members interested in your well-being before your diagnosis? |
some where, some weren't.
my own husband said to me tonight
that i 'should not expect sympathy and
my issue is not a big deal.
sad ,huh?'
thanks for listenting everyone,
i will be ok |
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ostrich
Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 5109
Location: Nebraska
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 7:02 am Post subject: |
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I agree with slayer. Sometimes my family will ask, sometimes they won't. I try not to start discussions about it if I don't have to, unless there's some exciting new development. It's only one aspect of who I am. And there's all sorts of other things to talk about.
As far as your husband goes, that's kinda sad. Have you thought about joining a local Celiac club?
_________________
Ostrich :>--O==={
Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders still remain |
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jeant
Joined: 06 Apr 2008
Posts: 290
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 8:20 am Post subject: |
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| That is sad coming from your husband. I think ostrich has a good suggestion in looking for a club. You should have support from somewhere, and if your husband can't offer it then maybe you can find some other people to offer understanding. |
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cultureslayer
Joined: 07 Apr 2006
Posts: 997
Location: NC
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 8:36 am Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| windinthetrees wrote: | | jeant wrote: | | windinthetrees wrote: | I am very contientious of the fact that this does not and should not be the topic of every disscussion. funny though,their
lives tend to be the topic of every discussion. |
Some people just talk about themselves and have very little awareness of the lives of others. I have a cousin who calls to talk about herself, and when I want to get off the phone all I have to do is start talking about my life. She's just not all that interested in anything that doesn't directly involve her.
I don't know if your family members are skeptics or if they are like that with everyone. I don't ask relatives with diabetes how their diets and medications are working out for them, but I'm not skeptical of their disease. I do, however, ask them how they are and I'm willing to listen if they want to talk. Were your family members interested in your well-being before your diagnosis? |
some where, some weren't.
my own husband said to me tonight
that i 'should not expect sympathy and
my issue is not a big deal.
sad ,huh?'
thanks for listenting everyone,
i will be ok |
In a couple years it won't seem like a big deal. You'll get used to it.
I suspect your husband has never had any food issues. He just doesn't understand how hard it is to change your diet. Joining a local group is a good idea. They can tell you where to buy the best bread, cookies, etc. locally
_________________
Lauren
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. |
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Kathie
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 1063
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 10:24 am Post subject: Re: supporters |
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| windinthetrees wrote: | some where, some weren't.
my own husband said to me tonight
that i 'should not expect sympathy and
my issue is not a big deal.
sad ,huh?'
thanks for listenting everyone,
i will be ok |
Not knowing how your husband meant what he said, please let me express an opinion for what its worth......maybe he meant its not a big deal because he loves you no matter what is wrong with you so its not a big deal to him, and not to expect sympathy from people it sounds like you have had problems with anyway is probably just good advice.
That being said even though you are the one that has to live with the CD every day of your life and it effects you the most, it also effects the people we love who are closest to us. Especially in the beginning when we are first diagnosed and overwhelmed with all the changes we forget that those we love are effected also and probably feel frustrated that they can't wave a magic wand and fix it for us. Can't eat out freely anymore, that effects him to if he wants to take you out for dinner.....etc.
None of my in-laws in either marriage ever got it, but hell they never got anything else either so I just let it roll off my back along with all the rest of the BS they would try to lay on us.
It does get better with time. Eventually it won't seem like it interferes with every waking moment of your life. 
_________________
CD by Biopsy 3/25/88 |
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