Paying for a meal you won't eat?

[ostrich]

I swear we already talked about this, but for the life of me I couldn't find the thread...

Anywho, a coworker (and semi-friend) of mine will be retiring soon. The office is planning on having a group lunch at a local restaurant. Usually I RSVP with something like "I'll be attending but not eating". This gives them an accurate head count. It's normally not a problem because everybody pays for their own meals.

Well, not this time. This retirement party is at a buffet, with everybody expected to chip in $15 for their meal. There's no way I'll be able to eat at this luncheon.

My question is: would you still pay to go?

(I'm not looking forward to this anyway. The last luncheon I attended I got asked every 5 minutes why I wasn't eating anything. I guess some people can't comprehend a life without stuffing your face.)
_________________
Ostrich :>--O==={

Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

[cruelshoes]

I only have a second - but here is the old thread.
_________________
-Colleen

Where are we going, and what am I doing in this handcart?

[Kathie]

If I thought the retiree would be offended if I didn't, and I cared if they were or not I would go. On the other hand you could take your $15.00 and buy some small retirement gift and give the person that if you wanted to acknowledge the person without doing the meal. However you may come across as a party pooper to the rest of the (any excuse to stuff yourself) people that you work with.
_________________
CD by Biopsy 3/25/88

[nancw]

Blow this off. It's not worth it. I agree that a small gift and a card would be adequate, especially if this person knows about your food issues, and better yet, understands.
_________________
Nance

gluten, dairy, soy, rice, yeast and 99% grain-free

[cruelshoes]

I'd skip it. If there is an opportunity to chip in on the gift, that would be fine. But there is no way I would be willing to shell out my dough to sit in a buffet restaurant to watch everyone else eat. If your coworker is a friend, he/she will understand.
_________________
-Colleen

Where are we going, and what am I doing in this handcart?

[ostrich]

Thanks very much guys! That's the way I was leaning, but I like this person and she's been with the company for a long time.

It may be a moot point anyway. The person in charge said the restaurant might not allow people to show up but not eat.
_________________
Ostrich :>--O==={

Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

[cruelshoes]

If it were me, I would schedule a different time to take the retiring co-worker out to lunch. That way you acknowledge the occasion and get to have some time together, even if it is not at the buffet restaurant. That will probably be more fun than the "group grope" anyway.
_________________
-Colleen

Where are we going, and what am I doing in this handcart?

[jeant]

Even before going GF I hated food celebrations. It always seemed like I'd be expected to chip in $10 or $15 for pizza when I would fill up on one slice. Meanwhile, everyone else would be scarfing down a half dozen pieces. And this was when I was just starting out and $10-$15 would be my food budget for the entire work week.

Are they bringing in their own cake? Maybe the restaurant would let you show up just for cake, even though you won't be having any. If not, I'd skip it and get a nice card or something for the retiree.

[teacherpat]

[STZ]

I would skip it and buy her a small gift and explain it to her. If she understands then great but if not then too bad her lose....
_________________
STZ
DX = Celiac
High ttg 3/2009
Biopsy positive 10/2009
GF since 3/2009
DX = Osteopenia
Bone Density Test 9/2009

[Torrey]

I totally agree with previous posters who suggested you skip the affair and offer to take out your co-worker at another time. I've been in that situation as well, and it's quite uncomfortable when people ask why you aren't eating anything...or when they say that "just a little is OK, riiight?"

Good luck with it and let us know what happens.
_________________
~Torrey

August 24, 1975
GF BD July 12, 2004

[ostrich]

[caseygirl]

If you can't take her out to lunch, why not suggest a coffee date? You can buy her a coffee and a pastry or whatever, if you want. I go for coffee/tea a lot; it's a great way to connect with friends without having it centered on food.

I agree with everyone else though, I wouldn't go to the buffet....and it sounds like you already made up your mind on that one!

[ostrich]

Follow-up: It's confirmed. I can't go to the buffet because they'll add me to the head count. So I either show up and pay $15 for food I can't eat, or I don't go. It was strongly suggested that I not go. I can wish her well at a later date.

I agreed with the suggestion. Instead I added $15 to the card circulating around the office.

*sigh* It isn't the event that's frustrating. I've been to lots of luncheons (including other buffets). This is just the first time somebody's said "No. You can't come because you're different."
_________________
Ostrich :>--O==={

Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

[rpf1007]

Plus it sucks that you can't go and share in the event without eating. Almost everytime I go do something...I may not be able to eat- but it doesn't mean I can't socialize. Sorry the situation is that way. There's something really wrong with that.
_________________
Rachel