I don't know if this is the place to do this, but...

[Torrey]

I need the support of friends right now...

I'm really, really, really down and depressed.

I know it may seem like small potatoes to many of you, but my boyfriend just broke up with me.

He's dealing with so much stuff in his life right now, and I understand and respect that, but it hurts me that our relationship is over as a result. His father is quickly succumbing to the devastating effects of cancer and it's affecting him deeply. John misses his friends and his way of life down in south Jersey. He had totally uprooted himself and left the town he had called home for 30 years, just to come up and be with me in my house. He is in between jobs, and that's another part of it. He's just not happy here in north Jersey.

It's so hard because it almost seems like it would make this whole thing easier if we were screaming at each other and arguing...but we're not.

He says that he just feels so empty and so hollow right now...he's not even happy with himself, he says, so he cannot be happy with me.

I can totally understand where he's coming from and what he's going through. I was in a similar situation years ago when I had to break up with someone on account of my poor health. I needed to get better for me and my well-being, and being in a relationship just was not healthy. It still doesn't make it hurt any less...

He's sleeping down on the couch right now...he and his dog have nowhere to go at the moment, and I said they could stay. It's too damn cold to make them sleep in a 1954 truck with no heat. (I'm trying to make myself smile, but it's not working.)

I'm sorry if this is all TMI, but I just need some friends right now. My heart is broken.
_________________
~Torrey

August 24, 1975
GF BD July 12, 2004

[M. Shackelford]

Torrey, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now! I will be praying for you and also for John. It sounds like he really has alot going on inside of him right now. One change is huge but to have a parent seriously ill, unemployment and to be away from a familiar enviroment that you have known for so long, is alot to deal with. It is really hard on a men especially, when they are unemployed because it affects their self esteem so much. I have a family member that is having a hard time with his job right now and it has been very stressfull for him. Probably being away from his dad right now who is so sick, is weighing on him too. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers!

[aklap]

Oh no Torrey!! We are sorry to hear that

Everyone handles stress differently - it sounds like he is under a great deal. I know there is nothing that I can say to make the hurt go away...I wish there was...just know that we are here for you. It may not seem like it now, but things will work out for the best however it goes.

You know where we are if you need to "talk".

(((Hugs from Peg & I))))
_________________
Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

[Judy]

Oh Torrey, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Everyone handles stress differently and with all that's going on in his life, he sounds like he's reached his limit. I guess all I can say is give him some space and time to deal with all that's going on. It sounds like he's feeling as though he's lost control of his life - his dad is ill, lost his job, away from home. The only thing he can control is his situation with you and maybe that's the reason for the break-up. A little control over 1 aspect of his life. It's just an observation on my part... (((hugs))) to you, sweetie.
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Judy

[dkad]

Torrey, I am so sorry. Wish I could give you a big hug. Having daughters I know where you are at as they have gone through break ups. Furthermore most of us have and it hurts, we understand. Just don't do what I did and eat G out of frustration and throw in the towel. I went and made myself throw up. Still may throw in the towel. I don't know if you were reading posts at the time my almost son-in-law broke up with my daughter because I had CD and his parents didn't want him to marry someone who had a disease that their grandchildren could get. I could ditto what has already been said. Hang in there and know you are loved.
_________________
Donna
When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could you please get that for me?"
4-21 and still living

[cruelshoes]

Torrey - I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Keep your head up. I can tell from reading your posts that you have a positive and healthy attitude about things, so I know you will come out just fine.

Doesn't it stink when what is better for someone else doesn't really seem like the best thing for us??? Maybe all he needs is some time...
_________________
-Colleen
Dx 8/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
10-YO son Dx 11/05 via bloodwork/biopsy
Daughters (12 and 2) have neg. bloodwork

A woman is like a tea bag-you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

[The Edifying Conscience]

Torrey,
There's nothing worse than a heartbreak except a heartbreak that is taking place while the heartbreaker is still living with you. I've been there before. I know what you're going through.

When I went through the same situation, I ignored the heartbreaker as best as I could. On the day he moved out I gave myself one week to cry and be miserable, really miserable. Miserable to the point I went a few days without showering-totally gross. I even took a few sick days where I simply watched sad chick flicks and let the tears flow. After my week of misery I was still sad, but I was able to be productive in my life again.

Gather the army! You're going to need your best girl friends to get you through this one. Ben and Jerry might be helpful right now too.
TEC

[Torrey]

Thank you all for brightening my day just that little bit.

I really appreciate your support. It really means a lot to me.

John and Jake (the dog) left this morning. They went to visit his dad and then they were heading down to Asbury Park to crash with one of his hot-rodding buddies. Much of his car-related stuff and machines are still in the garage, and I told him that there's not any rush in getting it out. Whenever he can get a truck over, that's fine with me.

Judy--I think you may be right, and you are not the only person who has said that. Our relationship is the one place in his life where he felt like he could control something. Maybe he just needs to feel some sense of control in his crazy world right now.

I can't even begin to imagine what he must be going through right now.

I told him that I am willing to work through this and he knows that. He said he just needs some time to figure things out. He just doesn't know about himself right now.

He knows that he hurt me and he feel so completely awful about it. I want to be angry with him, but I can't fault him for being honest. In fact, I am *glad* he was honest with me and told me that he just couldn't handle things right now.

I just can't believe it's over...just like that....
_________________
~Torrey

August 24, 1975
GF BD July 12, 2004

[aklap]

[Torrey]

I know, Al--that didn't sound harsh. It's ok.

I know--it's just tough having everything in limbo like this, especially when all of his stuff is gone. i am giving him time and space. It's a very hard thing to do, but I am trying. After all, he needs to figure things out and I have to let him do that.
_________________
~Torrey

August 24, 1975
GF BD July 12, 2004

[aloneinidaho?]

Torry, I really feel for you and am so sorry. You guys sounded so happy. My daughter had a boyfriend for a few years, and he broke up with her because his dad did'nt want him to get involved with a girl that had so many health problems. But remember stress makes you sicker, just breath deep and let the air out as you say relax. And keep telling your self Relax, I am just riding a wave, I'll reach the edge shortly.God bless. And again so sorry Carey
_________________
Dear Lord, Please help me help my stupid self.

[Demo]

Torrey. From reading your posts it sounds like you are a very articulate, educated,fun loving, and outgoing person. His loss!

[jmuscel]

Torrey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree with some of the other comments, Once John has had a chance to work through things and sort them out maybe things will work out then. In the meantime hang in there and you always have friends here.

[Torrey]

Again, thank you all so very much.

This board has been a life-saver for me. You all are so supportive, whether it's on the topic of gluten or not!

Even though I haven't met any of you face to face, I feel like you are all some of my closest buds.

Thank you for everything. I know everything will be okay eventually; it's just really tough right now...

I have my kitty Kona here with me now. My dad is coming over to get me some dinner in a little bit.


You guys are the best--thank you.
_________________
~Torrey

August 24, 1975
GF BD July 12, 2004

[paw]

Torrey, I am just checking in for today and I see your post. I am sorry things are so hard right now.

The stress of losing a parent to cancer is overwhelming. John could just want to do something, even if it is not the right thing. I hope that things start to look up for you soon.