*rant* They don't get it!

[wendycs]

My family, just doesn't get it!! And its frusterating the heck out of me.

Last night at my dads house we had perogies (my previous most favourite food before becoming GF) and I made myself some brown rice pasta. My brother thought it would be funny to throw the rest of the perogies into my left over pasta. And "I" get into trouble for making a big deal over this. They don't understand that I can't just pick it out and eat it! They keep telling me that I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am. I think that I'm trying to keep from getting sick. I've tried sitting down and talking to them, and they understand that I eat gluten free, what they don't understand is the small amount it can take to make me sick. And that just because I may not always react to that small amount doesn't mean that its not bad for me.

I'm just frusterated at the moment.

[Guest]

Hi Wendy,

Sorry to hear you family is giving you fits. I've always said family is the toughest to get through to. My Mom was/ is(??) like that. She seem to get it after I lent her my copy of "Wheat Free - Worry Free" by Dana Korn. She has been A LOT better after that.

I don't know if your family are "readers", but it might be worth a shot. Maybe if they see someone saying exactly what you've been telling them - they'll believe it. If nothing else - it's a great book to have in your library.

Good luck!!

[aklap]

That was me
_________________
Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

[wendycs]

Thanx.. I'll definately look that book up. Its just so hard since I still live at home (I'm 20 so I'm trying to save up to move out but thats not gonna happen yet..)

[Kristie]

Wendy,

It is very hard w/out the much needed family support. I know my circumstance is a bit different from yours, but in any case, it would be much easier with support from family and friends. They would want and expect it if it were happening to them.
Hang in there, and feel free to vent any time. You're not alone.

Hugs and Blessings,

Kristie

[aklap]

Hi Wendy,

Since you're at home - they've probably seen you at your "sick" moments, right? Have you been seeing noticable positive changes in your health? If so - maybe bring that up to them - if they haven't noticed it already. If they are aware of the changes you've seen - maybe they'll "get it" - maybe it'll help convince them that they need to "help" you by doing the things you request.

Hang in there!!
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Al

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

[dragonfairy]

I agree you have to hang in there. I'm away at school and sometimes I have a hard time (especially with my dad) when I come home on breaks. My mom is good about cooking things I can eat, but my dad usually just rolls his eyes or won't even try the food. Right now I'm trying to have them get tested, but the moment I brought the subject up to my mom she didn't want to hear another word. She said she wasn't feeling anything so why should she get tested. She has diabetes and high blood pressure and my dad has consumed a ton of Tums in his life so I would just like to get them tested. I'm leaning more towards my mother's side having the gene, but I just can't be sure.

[wendycs]

[wendycs]

[GFSarahSmiles]

Why are so many families like that? I thought they should want the best for you ... but it sure doesn't look that way. Wendy, there's tons of us in the same boat. When I was first dxed and started eating GF, my father told me how silly and stupid he thought it was and whenever he had something that looked/smelled really yummy in front of me, he would always offer me a bite and when I refused, he would say "Oh come on, just a little bit won't hurt you." and then with a really disgusted roll of the eyes, say "well, whatever. You're being rediculous." My mother isn't like that ... she at least tries to understand and make things I can eat. By the way, I'm 22 also and still living with the parents (but won't be as soon as I graduate college). It's rough sometimes, especially with a parent like our fathers who just don't care and don't want to. I finally got my father to ask for the blood test not too long ago because I am certain beyond any doubt that Celiac came from his side. He came home a few days later prancing around and proudly saying "I don't have it! You didn't get it from me!" I told him that just because he doesn't express it right now, it doesn't mean that he won't later and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean that he could not have passed it to me.

Ug ... why do they have to be so difficult?!?! Don't worry, Wendy; if your family is trying to make you sound and feel crazy, you're in good (and hopefully also sane) company.
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Sarah
Birthday: December 6, 1982
Gluten-Free Birthday: March 2, 2004
Remission & Dx Confirmed: March 30, 2004

[wendycs]

[aklap]

[pmrowley]

I'm cross-posting this from my recent post on Celiac.com:

-snip-
Things like this always piss me off. As I have complained about before, people with peanut allergies got all of the airlines to stop serving peanuts on the planes, because some people are so sensitive that they could go into anaphylaxis by just breathing in aerosolized peanut oil. But WE'RE the ones who are strange, hyper-sensitive, etc., when we ask for special handling of our food.

The biggest problem is that with all of this, our outward reactions aren't necessarily noticeable, and they tend to be delayed, since this isn't an allergic reaction. The jokes about "using the same spatula but you didn't get sick" are exactly the problem. THEY don't see us bazooka-barfing right after ingestion, so they assume that we're fine. However, when we get home, and are wracked with cramps, bloating, etc., they don't see it.

Sometimes, we have to be tough, and get into someone's face about it. For example, how many times have you ordered a Caesar salad from a restaurant, asked for them to toss it in a CLEAN BOWL, because you can't eat the crutons, and it comes with OBVIOUS crumbs in the dressing? In these cases, I go to the manager, and explain what has happened. More often than not, they're chagrined about the whole thing, particularly if it's a restaurant that professes to have a GF menu (Fleming's Steakhouse in this case.) I've gotten very expensive meals 100% comped in the past for just that reason. As a matter of fact, I really let a coworker have it a few weeks ago, when I mentioned to him that he always picked Italian restaurants for lunch, and that it really limited my food choices. He said something snide about my diet, so I unloaded on him for 15 minutes with my abridged 25-year history of dealing with it. After my tirade, he said, "Oh, I didn't realize this was a life-or-death thing. I'm really sorry." Since then, he's been a supporter.

You really have to insist that the ones who are close to you heed your wishes. Jokes about sensitivity, etc., are deal-breakers in my book. Make them understand that it's hard enough to stick with the diet on your own, but jokes about it are counter-productive. THEY don't know what the internal reactions you are dealing with are. They don't see the massive immune response attacking your insides. They don't understand that we react to MOLECULES of gluten protein, not teaspoons. Do any of them have allergies? How would they feel if you made fun of them for being allergic to your something? They can't control their allergies, other than avoiding the allergen, any more than you can control your condition, other than your diet. There is NO COMPROMISE with this. Make them understand that this diet is 100% exclusion or it's worthless, and your health suffers for it in subtle, but insidious ways.

You REALLY need to lay down the law with your family. They needs to support you, stick up for you, and help provide a united front. Anything short of that is unacceptable. Educate them, so they understand just how important this is to your long-term health. My wife tends to get much more angry at food ignorance than I do, once I've made my point and they're still not getting it, and it's kind of nice.

Above all, DON'T be ashamed of your diet! Particularly these days, when EVERYONE has a special diet of some kind! That was my problem for a long time. I was apologetic for the trouble I caused, and I didn't protest if I had to abridge my meal because all I could safely eat was a salad. Then, I finally got angry and started pushing back when someone pushed me around. At a barbequeue, I ask that my food be cooked first, right after the grill is cleaned, and the utensils aren't contaminated. The first couple of times, they looked at me a little strangely, but I explain my condition, and they cheerfully comply. I get a little militant at restaurants at times, talk to the manager about my diet, and make the wait staff EARN the tip (which I usually do at 20%, for the extra trouble.) After a while, it felt as though a great weight had been taken off of my shoulders. Confidence counts for a lot. Apologetic embarassment usually leads to minimal effort in complying with your wishes. A confident request tends to have more weight behind it.

Cheers,
-Pat

[skbird]

Pat -

Bazooka barfing???!!!???? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

OK, I've had that a couple of times but not on a regular enough basis to claim is in conjunction with this. Still it's a totally hilarious image.

And about tips - I'm the same way. I don't have any problem leaving a 20% tip when I eat out because I am totally making them work for it. I can't believe the times I've gotten the good service I have and then there are times that I couldn't believe the bad service I've gotten. Even from the same restaurant! Eating out is more of an obstacle course than I'm willing to deal with lately, especially now that I have a nice remodelled kitchen and a major love of cooking...

Bazooka barfing... I'm still going to be chuckling about that when I go to bed tonight...


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Stephanie

[pmrowley]

That came from Bloom County. Something Opus says at one point that Bill [the cat] is bazooka-barfing. I thought it was a good mental image.
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CD Diagnosed by experimental biopsy in 1980