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Fifi
Joined: 01 Feb 2008
Posts: 229
Location: Wauconda, IL
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 Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:03 pm Post subject: Bad day |
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I am having a real bad day today. I think I am doing everything right, but I still feel awful. The sun is shining and the weather is warm and I feel like crap. The more I read these entries the worse I get. The bad teeth I have had since childhood. It kills me to know that I have probably been living with this disease all my life. I am 49 now and just diagnosed for about 3.5 months. I think I may have other food intolerances and should probably ask my Dr to be tested. I really don't want to know because taking out gluten was hard enough to get used to, just the thought of giving up more seems intolerable. I know I will have to though if thats what the tests say. I also can't lose weight so I want to have my thyroid checked as well. I already have asthma, high blood pressure, common allergies, depression, acid reflux, celiac, barretts esophagus. How much more can a person take! I am always tired, run to bathroom all day peeing because I am drinking all this water, sense of doom in my chest like I want to cry, now I am getting the itchy rash. My husband doesn't understand. I regularly see a psychologist, psychiatrist, chiropractor, massage therapist, and my regular doctor. Free time is never. House cleaning, whats that! I get home and I am so exhausted with all my medication and appts that I fall asleep on the couch every evening which really gets my husband angry. I want a life back. I decided today to eat only naked food and start from there. I don't have the diarrhea anymore, or the bloated gassy stomach. I just want to be normal. I know it takes time, but that doesn't help the frustration! In the last few years I have begun to pray more and really believe that God will help me. God has become my solace. I feel so much better when I am praying.
I don't know why I am saying all this. I guess I am just so angry today I needed to get it out without taking it out on everyone around me. I always feel like I can vent like this here because I know that all of you understand. Thanks for letting me vent!  |
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mrsppmrxky
Joined: 09 Oct 2004
Posts: 1471
Location: GF Kitchen
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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We have all been there and sometimes we even re-visit those feelings.
That is why we are all here so that we can pull each other along and just be and ear (or with it being written would that be an eye? LOL)
(((HUGS)))
It does get better! Somedays my fibro acts up so badly that I never get out of my jammies. I give my husband the 'look' that says don't even ask..........you are on your own and my electric blanket is on high along with the pain meds in my belly.
Unfortunately, when the immune system gets turned 'on' it fights our bodies and we can have other health issues going on.
Take care and we will just pray that tomorrow will be better.
Just starting out, naked food is best. I promise you if you 'stay on the wagon' in 6 months you will find yourself doing much better and it will be a piece of cake by this time next year.
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aklap
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 8602
Location: WI, USA
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:50 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Fif,
I am sorry to hear you're having a bad day. No one should have to experience what you're going thru now...or what you've gone thru to get here. Having bad days [anger] is normal. There's all sorts of reasons and things to be angry about. It's normal and healthy to experience this [eventhough we may not want to do it]. I feel that you go thru the 5 Stages of Grief. This is huge upheaval in your life. It will take some time for you to heal physically and emotionally.
I find that focusing on the positives helps me thru the rough spots. You mentioned that you're seeing improvements - no Big D and no gas. This is a good thing! Embrace and celebrate that. As hard as all of this is, there are bright spots to all of this - we just need to look harder [sometimes very hard] to find them.
I'm glad that you have chosen to expand your spiritual horizons. For those that believe it, it can do wonders - miracles in fact! Miracles happen every day if see keep our eyes open an look for them  Truth be told, I pray for gluten intols all the time...
Keep at it - don't give up. If you feel the need to vent, we're always here.
((Hugs))
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Al
“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa |
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aklap
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 8602
Location: WI, USA
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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Your post reminds me of something that I wrote almost 2 years ago...
Maybe it'll help...
http://forums.glutenfree.com/topic2767.html
| Al wrote: | | Quote: | Thank you all for being supportive and may we continue to help others that are in need of help, whether newly diagnosed or ones who have had celiac disease for a long time.
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I'm always yipping about finding the good in everything and how hard we need to look sometimes to find it. For me personally, I find what I have gone thru a positive experience. Yes - I'm talking about when I was sick. It has opened a whole new world for me. Something that I would not have done if I wasn't "forced" in to it.
This from a sermon my Pastor preached to us on June 26th, 2005. I'll admit, my mind was wandering a bit that day (sorry Pastor), but a single line spoke quite loudly to me and snapped me back in to the present (it's the 1st bolded line below). I listened very intently to the sermon after that. After the service, I asked the Pastor to email her sermon notes to me. She was curious as to why I wanted to subject myself to a sermon twice in one day!
Some of what follows was taken directly from her sermon, some is my interpretation of it and how it relates to me.
There is a real place and importance for suffering in our lives. Regardless of how much we despise it, it is necessary. It's role in our emotional, spiritual & physical growth can not be dismissed or ignored. "It builds character" as they say. Suffering is often the catalyst for building a bridge of kindness toward others.
James Baldwin - the man who wrote "Go Tell it On the Mountain" reflected on his painful childhood "At some point you have to realize that your suffering does not isolate you - Your suffering is your bridge"
Suffering allows us to reach out to others. I know that when I started out on this journey about 4 years ago, I was suffering, scared and "alone". Because of what I was going thru, I found some fantastic people. With their help, I was able to build a bridge and walk over to a happier, healthier place. Had I built a pier back then, things would be very different. Piers are like dead end streets. They just leave you stranded - not connected to anything. They go no where and do nothing but trap you. Trap you in a very dark, ugly and hopeless place.
If we reach out together and build bridges instead of piers - think of the places we will be able to go!
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Al
“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa |
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mrsppmrxky
Joined: 09 Oct 2004
Posts: 1471
Location: GF Kitchen
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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Suffering is often the catalyst for building a bridge of kindness toward others.
This statement is so true!!!! It changes your perspective and makes you more gentle to others needs. It is like it lifts the blinders off your eyes to see the suffering of those around you.
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Fifi
Joined: 01 Feb 2008
Posts: 229
Location: Wauconda, IL
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| That is the funny part of all this. I always feel guilty when I go through my poor me phase. I see people who have cancer or MS or any of the hundreds thousands of terminal illnesses and I think to myself that I should be ashamed of myself. All I have to do is eat differently. These people have nothing they can do to get better. The religious side of me says satan is after me by making me feel sorry for myself. So I pray. I pray a lot. and it helps. I am glad to have all of you to keep me in line and give me hope. |
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celiacmaine-iac
Joined: 19 Dec 2007
Posts: 695
Location: Maine
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I think to myself that I should be ashamed of myself. All I have to do is eat differently. |
It sounds so simple doesn't it, but it really isn't. When you get a dx of CD your whole life changes. Whether it's right, wrong, or just what is, our whole lives center around food from the day we're born. We're born hungry. If we weren't a baby wouldn't learn to suckle and would die. We eat when we celebrate, we eat when we mourn. We eat when we partake of religious sacraments.
And when we find out we have CD our whole world changes. A seemingly simple act like eating was something we often took for granted before. Now we have to analyze every bite we put in our mouths. We have to maintain a constant vigilance about our food and surroundings to be sure that others don't make us sick. Sometimes we feel like social pariahs because we're no longer the fun friend we were before. Family relationships change.
As a result we are going to sometimes feel angry, or isolated, or misunderstood, etc. We're going to have these emotions. The emotions are not wrong, it's only a problem if we choose to stay in that dark place, and I can see from what you say you won't be doing that. This is a time when you talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. You would have kind, affirming things to say to that friend. Make sure you treat yourself as kindly as you would your best friend. Remember, there will come a day on this board when someone is where you are now. I know that you will be there to bring healing words to them, and those words will be truly spoken from a heart that has been there and felt the pain.
Praying for you. I'm so glad you have your faith to sustain you.
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Steph |
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aklap
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 8602
Location: WI, USA
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Fifi wrote: | That I always feel guilty when I go through my poor me phase.
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I think it's fine to go in and out of this phase from time to time. Just try like hell not to get stuck there!
Just keep doing your best each day...that's all anyone can expect from you.
Steph & MrsP - very well put.
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Al
“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa |
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ostrich
Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 4162
Location: Nebraska
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:03 am Post subject: |
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Just wanted to pass along some hugs and remind you we're all in this together.  MrsP is the queen (and MrP is the king) of removing all sorts of food from their lives and still making it. She's quite the inspiration.
About the losing weight part...I had the same issues. For the longest time I'd never drop a pound. I could be on a lettuce diet or a Twinkies diet. Nothing, not even with exercise. What I've discovered is you have to make exercise fun. It has to be something you look forward to doing. Then you don't think of it like exercise anymore.
I also wanted to comment that I'm glad you're talking to a psychologist. I think you're pretty brave for seeking out help like that, especially in today's society.
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Ostrich :>--O==={
I lie below, you float above
In the pretty white ships that I am dreaming of |
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